I made it out

I made it out. I stepped down from the enlarged pillar I had climbed to end my life. I saw my dog, Oakley, on the ground, and couldn’t stand the thought of him being alone and lost, like I felt. He needed me. He was the only one, but he needed me and I couldn’t just leave him, so I stepped down.

The stone pillar at Little River Canyon in Fort Payne, AL

I got Oakley back into the car and I sat in the drivers seat and just cried the loudest cry. I am so hurt. I felt abandoned and disposed. I felt like no one wanted me, and I had no place in this world. It’s a feeling only one can describe if they have walked through severe depression and trauma. I couldn’t expect anyone to fully understand.

Oakley and I drove back to the AirBnB, gathered all of my belongings, and hit the road again. Where were we going? Who knows. But Fort Payne, AL was not where I needed to be. I know I needed a support system. Someone to help me through this. But who? Who was there to help me pick up all of these shattered pieces of me? I couldn’t think of anyone that hasn’t already tried. I wept as I tried to think of one, single positive thing I could do to slightly bring me out of this dark hole thinking I was circling. Finally, I put my car in drive, and headed to Rome, GA. Not because this was where I needed to be, but I knew I could find a park there and me and Oakley could hang out and I could watch him play until I figured out what to do.

Driving through Cedar Bluff, AL to Rome, GA

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

Comments (



  1. Ashley Sharp

    Just a reminder… You survived 100% of your worst days & you are still here. That is enough 😘 ILYSM

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Casi Hollingsworth

      I love you so much too. You have no idea how much you have/do help me through this mess called life.


  2. Susan Ambrose

    I know how you feel. Depression is real in my life everyday. Back in 1998 I tired to end my life but God had other plans for me. To this day I struggle with this demon, I’ll be praying for u.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Casi Hollingsworth

      Thank you so much for your kind words


    2. Casi Nicole

      Thank you so much for your kind words. I appreciate you taking the time to read and comment.


  3. Cynthia Rayburn

    You’re an amazing person. You practically raised yourself. You’ve fought so many battles that you didn’t start nor provoke. You’ve been pushed aside so much of your life for no reason other than crappy people. And, yet, you still fight to find your place. You’re doing great. So many people have to do exactly what you are to get where they belong. I believe in you and your strength. You WILL get where you need to be as long as you keep pushing on. Stay strong my precious. I love you whole heartedly. Momma Cynthia

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Casi Hollingsworth

      This means so much to me. You are so precious to my heart and soul. You have picked up many piece few would. I’ve had so much baggage that you took on as your own, and still do. It means the world to me and I love you forever and always Momma 😘😘

      Liked by 1 person

  4. Ashley

    I sure am glad you made it out! God has a purpose for you! You are fearfully and wonderfully made by His hands! Turn to His word in times of doubt! I’m always here for you!

    Love you bunches!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Casi Nicole

      Thank you so much Ashley. It means so much you read this. I love you bunches too.

      Liked by 1 person

  5. Jean

    Your story is so powerful! I think you’ve found a way to help yourself by writing about your struggles. Tell your story, baby! I think you’ll find more support and kindred spirits than you ever expected. Keep pushing. You’re much stronger than you think. I’m very proud of you and love you so much.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Casi Nicole

      Thank you Aunt Jean. I’m trying anything and everything to help me get better and get through this. I love you so much!

      Liked by 1 person

%d bloggers like this: